Calibrated questions

We make some mistakes in talking with others like asking manipulative questions to them . Which makes them defend themselves? 

Don't use the accusation questions or statements it creates arguments. 

Don't use Why statements in the conversation . 

Why do we talk with people to get to know them and have a good conversation with them as possible and to get information from them .

Let me tell you an example 

You friend did something that was wrong...

You ask "why did you do that ? " You know this ,it  makes them feel awkward. They feel bad about themselves and it makes them to say something which make them right and get rid of the accusation ....

Instead ask " what is the reason you did this ?" 

Or "what caused you to do this?"

What and how is always better than why questions. 

So frame you questions accordingly and get he information you want from them without triggering them.